No Good, Very Bad Day

I remember reading a book as a child that repeated the phrase "No Good, Very Bad Day" throughout. It stuck with me - not sure why. I don't even remember the plot of the book, just that phrase. My point in all this is that I'm having a No good, Very bad day.

Now, I don't have pity parties very much, but I'm going to have one now. Just put it right out there for everybody to read about:

I'm so tired of taking one step forward and two steps back.  Since we got married, Chase and I have been on a financial roller coaster. He was promised full time at his job, and then they didn't follow through. Then we thought he had another job in the bag, and then it didn't happen. His current job told him that it would be part time at first but would work to full time pretty quickly, and then he was told that it was permanently part time. Great.

So here we are, on the search again for a full time job. We've prayed together and by ourselves and cried - anything we know how to do. It just seems like nothing's happening. I know God has a plan, and that we wouldn't want anything but His plan if we knew what it was. But that doesn't stop the worrying for me.

We decided before we got married that we were going to be debt free. Things were rocking along and we were hopeful that we'd be able to build a house within a year or two of marriage. Now it appears that all those plans have come to a screeching halt. That's the hardest part for me I think. The second hardest part is getting phone calls and being treated like a criminal because my payments are past due. I try to explain to them that I'll pay them as soon as I get paid but it still doesn't stop them from being ugly. I know, I know, it's their job to be that way, but still. Doesn't anyone put themselves in others shoes anymore?

This morning was no exception: I was standing in the bathroom, just about to blowdry my hair and the phone rings. It's another one, wanting to know why I'm late with my payment. They also said "your total due now is $****. I can process that for you now." I was like - "Um if I could pay you that much right now, I wouldn't be late in the first place." I do have to say that the guy was actually the nicest I've talked to yet. I held it together, but right at the end my voice was getting all cracked and high. As soon as I was off the phone, I crumbled..... Then on the way to work, another one called. I got it worked out for that one, but still it was just fuel on the fire.

***

I still haven't fully recovered from this morning. I've been in a very contemplative mood all day. I just want things to be headed in a positive direction. I want to be able to relax a little and not have to worry all the time about where the money is coming from. I will say that God has blessed us more than we deserve. He's always given us just enough to get everything covered. I try to be so careful with what He sends our way but sometimes I wonder if I'm handling it right. Is that the problem? There are so many questions I have about this time in our lives.

Here's what I know:

God is faithful,

Chase and I are strong,

And we will make it.

Until next time,

Ash